Imposter syndrome is quite common amongst us project managers. I certainly had project manager imposter syndrome for many years. What is it? I always thought of it as the feeling of being a fraud, like I wasn’t a ‘real’ project manager.
Here is a good definition from Wikipedia –
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or interpret it as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.
This definition nails it for me. For many years, that is exactly how I felt.
I think the degree we feel it, if we feel it at all, depends on our personality type. This is just my opinion, but I think that some people just seem to have a belief that other people are better than them. These are the people who tend to have more ‘severe cases’ of imposter syndrome. On the other hand, some people seem to have a very different belief. These other people genuinely think they are great when really they haven’t done anything to warrant that greatness. It’s an odd one.
Do you have project manager imposter syndrome?
If you do, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. It’s fine. Don’t worry. You are not alone. In fact, I suspect most of us project managers will have had it. It’s kind of inevitable when we are starting out.
It’s very common to be an ‘accidental project manager’. Meaning, we never really set out with a dream to become a project manager, we just sort of ‘fell into it’. As such, we didn’t ‘train’ for the job. We didn’t study at University for it, we didn’t take an apprenticeship, we just started doing it one day. I think that’s why, in the beginning at least, we don’t feel like ‘real’ project managers. We are often making things up as we go. Even if we become ‘qualified’ or ‘certified’ by taking APMP or Prince 2, having passed an exam in project management does not make us good project managers.
But that’s okay. We all have to start somewhere. No-one can walk into the role with zero experience and be amazing. It doesn’t work like that. We need time. Time to learn, time to make mistakes, time to experience different projects, time to grow and ‘earn our stripes’.
The feeling of being a fraud may last for a long time. I had it for several years. I was always waiting for someone to say ‘hey! you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, do you!?’ When I was facilitating a meeting and someone was smiling at me, I would always assume the worst and think ‘oh my God, they KNOW, they’re laughing at me!’ when they were probably just good at active listening. I would worry that my ‘huge mistake’ was just around the corner. Looking back at that time I know now those perceptions were unfounded. Moreover, recalling the stuff I used to do, I know now I was a lot better than I thought I was. A lot better.
So, if you have imposter syndrome, be okay with it. The feeling will diminish as your experience grows, and eventually there will come the day when you realise that you are good. That you are a ‘real’ project manager.
I remember when that day came for me. The initial realisation hit me in a day, but I reflected on it for weeks. I look back at that period with fond memories. I was on ‘fire’ at the time. Man, was I delivering! I was getting into the office everyday full of energy and I was crushing it. I remember suddenly thinking to myself ‘you know what? I’m actually fucking good at this job!’. It felt amazing. It felt like all the things I had learned from all the different projects over the years came together. It finally ‘clicked’. I finally ‘got it’. I understood what project management was all about, and how to do it well. I could see it. I could see how it all fit together. I was also starting to get unsolicited positive feedback from many stakeholders, some of them quite senior. That was important because it was validating what I was beginning to realise. I wasn’t a fraud anymore. I had levelled up to a ‘real’ project manager . Once you get to that point, you have something that will up your project management game 10x. And that something, is confidence.
Once you have confidence as a project manager, everything changes.
You have confidence to challenge people, you have confidence to say ‘no’ and ‘push back’, you have confidence that you are spending your time wisely, confidence in your abilities, confidence not to waste time doing shit that doesn’t matter, confidence not to fall into anxiety and fear. You’ll have the confidence to actually enjoy your job (imagine that!). Once you have true confidence in your abilities, you’ll start to have self esteem as a project manager. Self esteem in your job is hugely important, and I will do another specific blog on that in the future.
However, until you get to that day, you will need to put up with your feeling of being an imposter. Getting rid of that feeling takes a fundamental change in your beliefs and identify, and that can’t be done without getting the project experience you need (unless you’re lucky enough to find yourself trapped in an elevator with Tony Robbins). The good news is that even though we may need to put up with imposter syndrome, we can do things to reduce the feeling of it. I’m going to give you five tips to help you through it.
1. Accept your impostor syndrome
Nathaniel Branden, the author of a great book called ‘6 pillars of self esteem’ talks about ‘acceptance’ as being one of the pillars. We can’t change something until we first accept it. It doesn’t mean we can’t strive to improve, but we need start by being okay with our imposter syndrome. So, start by acknowledging that it’s completely normal, and that every project manager has to start somewhere. Accept it for now. Your time will come.
2. Remember that someone believes in you
Even if you sometimes doubt yourself, remember that someone believes in you. After all, you were given the job or opportunity to manage a project, so whoever gave you that opportunity must have seen something in you. If it was an experienced project manager interviewing you, they would have gotten a pretty good sense of your true experience and capability, even if you stretched the truth a little bit! Trust that people will see good things in you that you can’t. If you weren’t ready for the project then chances are you wouldn’t have been given it in the first place.
3. Collect and regularly review your positive feedback
Keep any good feedback you receive. Keep it all together in a folder. Why? Because it it evidence to fuel your belief that you are a decent project manager. It’s evidence to contradict those negative thoughts you have about yourself. When I got my first senior project manager role I was given a project way bigger than anything I had managed before. I had imposter syndrome big time, so every morning when I got to my desk I would read all the positive feedback I had collected over the years to get my head in the right place and remind myself I was capable.
4. Keep a success journal
This will give you more evidence to fuel the belief that you are a good project manager. It’s natural to focus on the negative things we have done and forgot about the positive, so we need to consciously force ourselves to reflect on the positive. Any wins, any successes, no matter how small, jot them down in a journal. Eventually they will build up. Once you have started your success journal, make a habit of reviewing it on a regular basis. Read it every morning. Once you have read through success after success and gotten to the end, you should feel pretty good about yourself. At the very least you can say ‘I can’t be that bad if I’ve done all this good stuff!’
5. Remember you haven’t been fired!
When it comes down to it, if your superiors really believed you were not up to the job, they would just take you off the project. The fact that they haven’t done this should give you some assurance. But even before that, I think it very likely that they would first sit down with you and ask you how you felt about the project and if you were struggling. They would likely try to help you and provide coaching before they just took you off the project without warning. If they haven’t done this, then you are probably worrying for nothing.
In summary, remember that all project managers need to learn the job through experience. No-one is amazing from day one. I suspect imposter syndrome is quite common, and I know it will fade with time. Just accept it and try and focus on the positive as much as possible
Project Manaverse 